There are certain paths that you can take that will lead to predictable outcomes.
If you want to become a Doctor of medicine there’s a path for that. If you want to become a lawyer there’s a path for that.
If you want to be a professional orchestral musician there is a path that you can follow in order to become one. There is a set of repertoire that you can choose to master. There are established masters of this repertoire that you can choose to study with. Professional orchestras post the dates of their auditions and the requirements for those auditions. Choosing to follow this path doesn’t guarantee that you will one day get paid to play in a professional orchestra, but the path to doing so is clearly defined.
If you want to one day teach music at the college level there is a path that you can follow in order to do so. Practice your instrument and build a certain level of proficiency. Obtain advanced degrees to the level of at least a D.M.A / P.H.D. Build a resume of professional achievement and then submit yourself for the positions that become available. Choosing to follow this path doesn’t guarantee that you willl one day achieve tenure in the hallowed halls of academia, but there is at least a path that you can follow in order to achieve your goal.
There are hundreds of other paths that I might have chosen in my life.
Instead, I find myself here typing these words because none of those other more clearly laid out paths ever appealed to me.
As I sit and contemplate that fact it’s important for me to remember that I chose this.
Yes I may be wandering in the forest right now. Yes it may feel as though I’m surrounded on all sides by tall trees and thick brambles. Thorns may be tearing at my skin as I try to pass through the darkness. There may be days when I can barely see three feet ahead of me. There may be days when it seems as though I’ll never find my way out.
I chose this.
I could have chosen to go in any number of other directions with my life. I believe that I have the talent and skills to play in an orchestra. I believe that I have the talent and skills to teach at the collegiate level. Those are all choices that would have potentially yielded a much more stable foundation upon which to base my life. I believe that I have the talent and the skills to have followed any number of more traditionally ‘safe’ paths.
I chose this.
I’m still figuring this all out. I don’t know yet exactly where I’m going with my music and my creativity. I have a bunch of skills that I’m trying to figure out how to turn into a career and a life that I can be proud of.
I’m writing this all of this down to remind myself that this is supposed to be hard. This was never going to be easy. There is no existing career path for ‘classically & jazz trained trombonist, who also plays bass/piano/guitar, who also enjoyed his forays into acting and improv, who also likes to make little short videos, and who also likes to write music, who also likes to make other ‘things’.’ You won’t find that listed as a career choice when visiting your high school guidance councelor.
I chose this.
I’m supposed to be feeling this way.
Maybe you’re in a similar situation. Perhaps you’re working to add more creativity into your life. Exploring new things. Working to make new, bolder choices. There are times when the path is clear, but a heck of a lot of the time exactly the opposite is true.
Wake up every day and start again. Work to make some small bit of progress daily. Understand that there will be days/weeks/months when you feel as though you’re being pushed backwards. Days/weeks/months where it feels like nothing is happening.
I chose this.
There is no clear path. It’s up to us to make one.